"Words of Wisdom" from Wise Old People like us..........................................1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
4. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old as long as she buys him a few drinks first.
5. Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
6. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
7. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
8. Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat-buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.
9. I'm not a complete idiot---some parts are just missing.
10. I'm starting to wonder how bad four years with NO president would be.
11. "NyQuill," the stuffy, sneezy, "why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning?" medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; he made so many of them.
13. "Consciousness," that annoying time between naps.
14. Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
15. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it.
17. "Wrinkled" was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
18. Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.
19. I don't iron. If I'm not "wrinkle-free," why should my clothes be?
20. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
