1. Women over 50 don't have babies at that age because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
2. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... ...she has 14 kids but she doesn't really care.
3. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 pounds.
4. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good fiends.
5. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
6. Skinny people irritate me. Especially when they say things like: "You know, sometimes I forget to eat." ......Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never fogotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
7. The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
8. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
[Then my cousin said to "live simply," "laugh often," and "love deeply"
---so, can she be forgiven?]
